The                   
                 Fraternity-English Dictionary            
 
 
                    POPULAR FRAT TERMINOLOGY
 
    In Fraternity                             In English
 
CONFRONTATION:
 
* "I'll kick your ass!"             * "I'm gonna get about 20 of my
                                      frat buddies together and we're
                                      gonna wield bats and hope we can
                                      catch you asleep under a tree
                                      so we can beat you up!"
 
* "I've never lost a fight."        * "I've never been in a fight."
 
* "I'm about to introduce you to    * "I'm gonna pay a football player
   a work of pain."                     to beat you up."
 
* "Surely we can talk this out like * "Not the face!  Not the face!"
   rational human beings."
 
* "I believe in a fair fight."      * "We'll start the fight when my
                                       back up arrives."
 
EDUCATION:
 
* "By taking the initiative to go   * "I'm here for beer in sex, in no
   on to a university and further my   particular order."
   education, I hope to broaden my
   horizons, open new eployment
   oppurtunities, and be a better
   person on the whole."
 
 
MEETING WOMEN:
 
* "Hello, may I buy you a drink?"   * "How much alcohol does it take
                                      to get you in bed?"
 
* "Would you like to dance?"        * "Please give me a reason to touch
                                      you."
 
* "I think men should be more       * "It really pisses me off when
  responsive to the needs of          chicks don't swallow."
  women."
 
* "That's a very interesting        * "That's a very interesting name
   name you have."                    you have.  Of course, in five
                              	      minutes, I'll be so absorbed by
                                      alcohol and staring at your chest
                                      that I won't remember it."
 
* "Would you like to go back to     * "Let's go back to my places where
  my place?"                          I can paw at you, get slapped,
                                      and later brag to all my frat
                                      brothers about what an easy lay
                                      you were, destroying any chance
                                      at respectability you have."
 
* "I'd like to get to know you      * "Take off your bra."
  better."
 
 
RELIGION:
 
* "I respect Christianity.  Jesus   * "Anyone who turns water to
  was a great man, full of love       wine can't be all bad."
  and patience.  The hate he had
  to endure, and yet he still
  loved us all.  He truly was the
  Son of God."
 
 
SEXUAL SITUATIONS & RELATIONS:
 
* "I respect you for your decision  * "Damn it, I paid for your dinner.
  of abstenance."    	              Now put out!"
 
* "Of course I'll respect you in    * "Respect you in the morning?  I
  the morning."                       can't even remember your name
                                      tonight!"
 
* "I want you to know I don't do    * "Looks like I get another notch
  this with just anyone."             on the ol' belt.  Three more and
                                      my frat pals throw a kegger in my
                                      honor."
 
* "Despite our differences, I'm     * "You're ugly, but I don't wanna
  still willing to make a go at       look at you.  Just fuck you."
  a relationship."
 
* "I love you."                     * "God I hope I wasn't stupid
                                      enough to give you my real
                                      phone number."
 
 
SOCIAL ISSUES:
 
* "I totally agree with your        * "Just because I can't make you
  stance and am angered how my        sit at the back of the bus does
  race has oppressed you for so       not mean I have to like you."
  long."
 
* "The plight of your people is     * "I hate you [insert appropriate
   truly an awe-inspiring tale."       racial slur here]."
 
* "I want you to know that despite  * "Please don't mug me."
  our color differences, I think of 
  you as a brother."
 
* "Not enough people take birth     * "So what if it IS my kid, I don't
  control seriously."                 see how it's my problem."
 
* "But the problems with condoms    * "No way in hell am I putting
  is you still run the 20%+ chance    something that looks like a
  of it rupturing during sex."        party balloon on my dick."
 
* "Something needs to be done about * "Can't we shoot them or
  the homeless problem in our         something?"
  country."
 
* "It breaks my heart to think      * "Better him than me."
  somewhere in the world, a small
  child will go to bed without his
  dinner again tonight."
 
 
            COMMON FRAT VOCABULARY
 
    In English                        In Fraternity
    
    Woman                             Bitch
    Holy Water                        Beer
    God                               Beer
    Someone who can help me           Friend
        get what I need, be
        there when I need to use
        them and never asks for
        favors in return   
    Someone who can be in no          Asshole
        way exploited.
    Art school student(when           Fairy
        in company of other frats)
    Art school student(when           Master of the
        alone & surrounded by             Visual Arts
        other art school students)
    Checking Account/Loan Officer     Daddy
    Girlfriend                        Guaranteed Sex
    Janitor                           Most probable
                                          post-college
                                          job
		                                  


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John Jetmore / jj33@pobox.com