EDITORS NOTE: I did not write this. I got it off of alt.humor.best-of-usenet, I think. don't sue me. please. also, I pussed out on formating this and just put it in PRE. damn thing's LONG...
Subject: Re: Q: Why is Bill gates such a geek?
From: cn119@FreeNet.Carleton.CA (Stanislav (Stan) Vardomskiy)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
A while ago this newsgroup have explained me the difference between Bill
Gates, and a geek (thanks, Kyle!). I promised in return to post the article.
So here it is, enjoy it, and thanks to everyone who have e-mailed
suggestions, I used alot of them....
[Signature omitted. -moderator]
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"Why is Bill Gates such a Geek?"
Clueless.
To start off let's define a word "geek". Webster Dictionary of English
language on-line defines geek as:
:geek: \'ge-k\ n [prob. fr. E dial. geek, geck fool, fr LG geck, fr MLG] :
a carnival performer often billed as wild man who's act usually includes
biting the head off live chicken or snake.
I never heard of Bill Gates biting heads off chickens, not even mentioning
snakes, even though he did perform on some of the carnivals, the latest
one being the Comdex. He does not really qualify as a complete geek,
as you can see.
"Computer geek" maybe? Let's see...
"The on-line hacker Jargon file version 4.0.0 24 JUL 1996" defines:
:computer geek: /n./ 1. One who eats (computer) bugs for a
living. One who fulfills all the dreariest negative stereotypes
about hackers: an asocial, malodorous, pasty-faced monomaniac with
all the personality of a cheese grater. Cannot be used by
outsiders without implied insult to all hackers; compare
black-on-black vs. white-on-black usage of `nigger'. A computer
geek may be either a fundamentally clueless individual or a
proto-hacker in {larval stage}. Also called `turbo nerd',
`turbo geek'. See also {propeller head}, {clustergeeking},
{geek out}, {wannabee}, {terminal junkie}, {spod},
{weenie}. 2. Some self-described computer geeks use this term
in a positive sense and protest sense 1 (this seems to have
been a post-1990 development). For one such argument, see
http://samsara.circus.com/~omni/geek.html.
{bletcherous}, {losing}, q.v., but the connotation is much
milder.
Hmm. A tough one. I resolved the problem by asking Sally Gates's permision
to look at some letters she received from her son. According to her, he
was then 10 years old, and just left for a computer camp. Here are the
letters in chronological order:
Dear Mom,
The kids are dorky nerds. The food stinks. The computers are the only
good part. We're learning how to program. Late at night is the best time
to program, so they let us stay up.
Love, Billy.
Dear Mom,
Camp is O.K. Last night we had pizza in the middle of the night. We
all get to choose what we want to drink. I drink Classic Coke. By the way,
can you make Szechuan food? I'm getting used to it now. Gotta go, it's
time for the flowchart class.
Love, Billy.
P.S. This is written on a wordprocessor. Pretty swell, huh? It's
spellchecked too.
Dear Mom,
Don't worry. We do regular camp stuff. We told ghost stories by the
glow of the green computer screens. It was real neat. I don't have much of
a tan 'cause we don't go outside very often. You can't see the computer
screen in the sunlight anyway. That wimp camp I went to last year fed us
weird food too. Lay off, Mom. I'm okay, really.
Love, Billy.
Dear Mom,
I'm fine. I'm sleeping enough. I'm eating enough. This is the best camp
ever. We scared the counselor with some phony worm code. It was real
funny. He got mad and yelled. Frederick says it's okay. Can you send more
money? I spent mine on a pocket protector and a box of blank diskettes.
I've got to chip in on the phone bill. Did you know that you can talk to
people on a computer? Give my regards to Dad.
Love, Billy.
Dear Mother,
Forget the money for the telephone. We've got a way to not pay. Sorry
I haven't written. I've been learning a lot. I'm real good at getting onto
any computer in the country. It's really easy! I got into the university's
in less than fifteen minutes. Frederick did it in five, he's going to show
me how. Frederick is my bunk partner. He's really smart. He says that I
shouldn't call myself Billy anymore. So, I'm not.
Signed, William.
Dear Mother,
How nice of you to come up on Parents Day. Why'd you get so upset? I
haven't gained that much weight. The glasses aren't real. Everybody wears
them. I was trying to fit in. Believe me, the tape on them is cool. I
thought that you'd be proud of my program. After all, I've made some money
on it. A publisher is sending a check for $30,000. Anyway, I've paid for the
next six weeks of camp. I won't be home until late August.
Regards, William.
Mother,
Stop treating me like a child. True -- physically I am only ten years
old. It was silly of you to try to kidnap me. Do not try again. Remember, I
can make your life miserable (i.e. - the bank, credit bureau, and government
computers). I am not kidding. O.K.? I won't write again and this is your
only warning. The emotions of this interpersonal communication drain me.
Sincerely, William.
and that was the last letter she ever received from her son. It happened
more then quarter century ago. Since then Bill Gates have changed alot.
Those 30000$ he have received was enough to start his own company and to
hire people like Tim Patterson, who wrote most of the software for him.
Since those days Mr. Gates stopeed coding, and mostly governs the taking
over of the world by Microsoft. Therefore Bill Gates is NOT a geek. He
is a wannabe geek. Here are helpful signs that you can use to determine
the difference between real geeks and wannabe geeks:
Wannabe Geeks Real Geeks
------------- ----------
Buy computers from mail-order Create their own using the chips
shops and upgrade them by hand they make in their basement
Complain about the bugs in the When told about bugs, they respond:
sure-to-be-a-hit super cool game ``You mean some people don't write
that they're creating perfect code the first time???''
Learn to type really fast so that Create devices that hook into their
they can write more code faster brains and allowing them to input
code as fast as they think
Work really hard and finish the Have their artificial intelligence
weekend assignment in a day program write it for them so they
can code more interesting things
Use an optimizing compiler to get Optimize their code by hand...
that extra speed ...and do a better job
As you can see, Bill Gates is not a geek. He was formerly a wannabe
geek, but has never approached the nirvana that being a geek truly is.
Hopefully, with this helpful guide to lead you, you won't make such a
horrible mistake again, Dear Clueless.
I would like to sincerely thank Sally Gates, Tina, Kyle R. Hoffman,
and Stieve Kinzler in proiding support and help in my research to answer
your question.
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"Bill Gates is a man who thinks he is important
Thinks MSN is on a roll.
He's the one who thought up DOS and Windows
And now he's planning net.control
Bill Gates! Bill Gates!
The net doen't belong to you.
Bill Gates! Bill Gates!
The net doen't belong to you.
Go home.....
Bill Gates is a man who thinks he is legend
But his company is full of geeks. { as "computer geeks" }
Expensive applications with useless volumes
Installing one could take you weeks.
Bill Gates! Bill Gates!
The net doen't belong to you..." -
keeps on singing Stan, logging on to Internet...